Heart!

This poem doesn't apply to me but I have always loved it. It reminds me of a lot of people I know right now and what we all go through in certain times.

Heart, we will forget him!
You and I, to-night!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me,
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you're lagging,
I may remember him!

-Emily Dickinson.

Hawaii was beautiful. Christmas was good. I hope you had a merry one. Applications are in. Job training done. What else is there to say? Everything is wait and see.

A Few Things...

Everyday I would drive home from work and pass a restaurnt marquee that would advertise OYTERS for 50 CENTS. For 3 months it said OYTERS, not OYSTERS. It drove me crazy.

I pass a flower shop that reads, exactly how mad is she? Which I loved.

A church that asks me to have a God Day.

Someone told me the other day that they had never read Harry Potter but she thought that they were demonic. This was an educated, bright woman in her twenties that said that to me. This made me mad because I grew up with HP and it is very close to me- I think that J K Rowling's writings have helped a generation of children that have grown up amongst tvs and video games- and yet we have been able to deepen our breadth of imagination because we still read and can imagine things without seeing them because of books like this.

Someone told me the other day that they thought the Holocaust was a huge exaggeration. I was speechless.

That same person told me that they thought that the Iranian president was a great guy.

We have a new President-elect, Obama. I voted for McCain, but I went into this election thanking God that Hillary was not in the running. I have respect for what Obama's win means for the character of our country and I am proud that we have come so far to elect a black man despite the racist tendencies of this country. He is young and brings hope to a lot of people. I don't think that any one president is responsible for sending our country to hell in a handbasket- people who blame W are naive-- we ARE the government. Our votes, the people we elect to congress, and the president that we elect are responsible- but the constant in that is WE. WE are responsible.

And you know what? We have agreed to live in a country that practices democracy. That means that the best we can do is vote. And it also means that we accept that we live in a country where we won't always get our way, but we will still live here and follow the law and be productive citizens until next time the polls open and we will try again and rally and go door to door and start movements and make speeches. Someone told me that they love the country but hate the government- we ARE the government. We make the government, we say we want him or her in office and then we get pissed because they don't keep their promises.

Oh, and another thing? Stop talking about Obama like he is Jesus. We are the ones that are setting these presidents up for failure. We talk about them like in four years they will change the world, bring world peace and justice for all. No president has done that. Obama said himself in his speech on November 4th that change might not happen in one year or four years, that there will be set backs and false starts. Only one man was able to work miracles and that was the son of God. These men that we put in office, will try their best but they have to answer to congress and the people of this country. We set ourselves up for disappointment because we put all of our hopes on one person.

I didn't vote for him but he is my president. And he's my boyfriend's new boss. And I am OK with that because, THANK GOD we live in a democracy. No one is forcing me to stay here. I choose to. No one is forcing me to bow down to someone or follow a certain religion. And whatever happens, happens. And we'll persevere.

Because he's home...

I haven't been around much, but I'm sure you know why if you read my sisters' blogs.

My boy is home!

Things I LOVE about my life now that's he's home...

-His laundry mixed in mine.
-Being able to call him or text him whenever I want to.
-Being able to tell him 'I love you' and knowing he'll get the message (before I was stuck thinking 'I love you' REALLY HARD and hoping he would get the message in Iraq via ESP.)
-Going on dates.
-Having a hand to hold while I drive.
-Cosette (my cat) having her Daddy back.
-Cuddling.
-His hair gel and manly shampoo and body wash cluttering up my bathroom.
-Reading Harry Potter!
-Laughing.
-The Walk-In Closet dance. When he was in Iraq I told him about having a walk-in closet and I was so excited about it I told him that every time I said the words 'walk-in closet' we were required to do a little dance. The night he came home I handed him something and told him to put it in the closet, he looks at me and goes "WALK IN CLOSET!" and does a little dance! He's such a keeper!
-The laundry dance. And the Pee-pee (I really have to go pee) dance.
-He came back loving my favorite band Muse. For years I've been trying to get him to like Muse and he would bash on them. Now he loves them and knows all the words so I have someone to sing with in the car!
-Having someone to eat my food when I'm all full at a restaurant.
-Having someone to watch Heroes with again.
-Talking to someone that can have a great heart to heart, can also make me laugh and be goofy.
-Him telling me he loves me all the time. He did that before, but he couldn't in Iraq obviously, but now it's nice to have that reminder in words all the time again.
-Having that gorgeous face to stare at. When he was sleeping in the car on the ride home that was all I did when I was awake was stare at him.


That's what I love now that he's home. I seriously thank God so much that my boy came home safe. Thinking of the girl I am now, I realize that the girl I was six months ago had so much envy of me. My heart is so much more at peace, I feel more confident with him by my side, I feel healthier, more energetic, and just more comfortable in my own skin. Yay :-)

PS: I am also so thankful to have sisters that were willing to literally jump in a car with me a day after getting the call, drive to San Diego and back all in one day, all so we could get my boyfriend (and pretty much their brother) back. It meant it a lot to me that they were able to share this with me.

Tom Hanks movies and other musings...

Hot Topic:

Tonight I have to stay up late because tomorrow night I am taking the graveyard shift, ten pm to eight am, at my work to cover for someone because I need the hours. Hopefully I will spend all day tomorrow sleeping, then head over to Young Life's area leadership meeting, then go right to work. I plan on bringing movies, my Christmas stockings I'm sewing (almost done with Lexi's YAY!) maybe my Arabic stuff, and of course I'll be drinking lots of coffee. There's really nothing to working overnights, just checking on any in-house kids every 15 min, pulling follow-up files, and stuff like that. Plus, dealing with the police in case any kids are brought in :) Then in the morning when I get off work I am going to try my very hardest to go to Dani's cheer practice so I can do some contact work for YL and also see the beginnings of their competition routine :)

Anyways, the hot topic I want to write about is porn. I know people watch porn. A lot of people do, in fact. When I was in England we stumbled into a bookstore that turned into a porn shop once you got downstairs and let me tell you, I know very little about American porn but European porn is undoubtedly ten times even raunchier if possible. I was super uncomfortable and left because I was so creeped out by the men picking out their DVDs. I found myself wondering if their wives and children knew where they were, or if they were just lonely old men, or if they would buy the things in a plain brown paper bag and then go home, hiding it, acting like they were never there.

I know some couples watch porn together or are ok with their signficant others watching porn. For me and my relationship, however, porn is out of the question. I think it's a personal decision for every person and couple, it's like, some couples are OK with one person doing drugs recreationally or drinking and driving home from a party or occasionally cheating on them-- if they are OK with that, fine, but for me those things aren't OK.

I took a Gender and Sexuality in the Bible seminar last year that was a wonderful class. However, one article that we read had a feminist saying that pornography actually empowered the female by letting her express her body. I completely disagreed with the writer. To me, the world of pornography is full of drugs, STDs, people using a career that may haunt them forever just until they can make it in some other field, and so on. The themes of pornography are often very disturbing and perverted, in my opinion. Also, why would someone who is in a loving and committed relationship, whether a sexual one or not, need to watch strangers having sex (in a completely unrealistic manner, I might add) just for their own gratification? It's a way to allow voyerism, people can become addicted to it, and I just don't think it's healthy to have in any relationship I am in.

I would never ever sit down and watch porn. I would hope that my partner respects not only me but women and the act of sex itself enough to not watch porn. It degrades the act and the sexuality of a person, in my mind. To me sex is a way of expressing deep feelings and committment (hence me waiting to have it until I'm married) and watching porn reduces that ideal.

I've had people tell me it's OK because at least it means the person isn't actively cheating. But I think that people have applied to strict of a definition on that word. Think of how the word "cheating" is used in other areas. You cheat on a test. You cheat a person out of something. Cheating on a test or in schoolwork is misrepresenting yourself because you are using someone else's work or help in some other way, so it is not a true representation of your abilities as is required. Cheating someone out of something means that you misrepresent yourself in some way for your own gain. Cheating on a board game or any other game usually means a sneaky or blatant disregard for rules.

So to me, porn could be cheating. If my relationship follows a set of ideals or principles, and porn is not OK'd by it, then that person who is watching the porn could be considering cheating. If your with someone who has made it abundantly clear to you that porn is not an option for them but they watch it anyways, then that is cheating because they misrepresent themself, and so on. Now I wouldn't walk up to my significant other and say YOU'RE A CHEATER WE'RE OVER if I found out they watched porn, but I'm just saying, what is OK in a relationship and what is considered a betrayal all depends on the couple and what the couple has already agreed on as being their ideals they are striving for.

I don't think if I or anyone is in a healthy relationship they or their SO should have the urge to look at people having sex, especially if that is not an OK thing in the relationship. I don't think it empowers women because they are treating their body like instruments just like we have been degraded to being for thousands of years, sex instruments of no other value. And, from a Christian standpoint, and as someone that has been waiting all of her life to save herself for her husband, I don't think that someone who is living in the mentality that I am should ever be OK with their partner "using" such resources.

Anyways, those are my thoughts on porn. You can agree or disagree, I'm not judging anyone that does like porn or watch it, I just feel the need to explain why I specifcally don't find it OK in my own relationship. Plus, it's my blog so I can say whatever I want :)

Other topics I'd love to talk about in the future....

Legalizing certain drugs
Corporal punishment
Abortion vs. Adoption
Political slander
Religious fundamentalism (ok, you got me, I could talk about ANYTHING having to do with religion!)
And pretty much a ton of other stuff. I'm very opinionated, but I am not one to ever try to make someone think the way I do (because you will never convince me to think the way YOU do, so why would I bother?) so usually I keep my mouth shut, but since I have a blog maybe I can explain myself a little :)

What I have learned....

A little thing about me: at the end of every year in college, I would post a blog entry on my Myspace called "What I learned my ____ year." I did one for freshman year, one for sophomore, but I had a hard time doing one for my senior/junior (last year of school) year. Finally, on what would have been my second day of school at SCU had I graduated on time instead of a year early :-) I have assembled a list of what I think I have learned. Before a lot of the things I learned may have been funny, especially freshman year. Sophomore year I sombered up a bit because I was dealing with a lot of lonliness. This year I have dealt with a lot of lies, a lot of disappointment, and many reality checks that made me realize that what I think of other people and what they think of me are rarely correct. So without further ado, here is what I learned freshman and sophomore year, and lastly I am posting what I learned Senior year.

What I Learned My Freshman Year...

A relationship is not healthy if it shuts you off to the world.

People who chew gum with their mouth open make me want to hurt them.

I can no longer get drunk off of shots because now I hate them.

It is possible to keep a part of yourself and not lose it all to situations.

You can study as hard as hell and still not do well on the test.

Biology teachers think their subject is more "real" than chemistry teachers, chemistry teachers think that biology was born from chemistry, they do not get along.

I would never want to be with someone who gave me whatever I wanted at the drop of a hat and let me walk all over him.

Dancing is good, but dancing with someone can give them the wrong impression of how you feel about them.

You have to stay friends with the people you live around because you see them everyday.

Some people are naive, and they always will be.

Some people are ignorant, and even if the information is in front of them, they always will be.

Some people still have temper tantrums even in college, and it makes me feel like I should scold them and count to three like their mother.

The people who most try to set forth the idea that they don't care what other people think are usually the ones that care the most.

It's nice to talk to someone about a situation that hasn't been around for 100% of it.

Some people get over breakups beautifully and with dignity, some people crumble.

The gym is a wonderful place, as is Casa.

Something is wrong with the chicken at Benson.

Sugar helps you study.Movies make you feel better and takes your mind off of things.

Don't cram the night before, actually, ok, do that, but study the night before that night, too.

Some people never let go of high school.

Some people complain about not liking their school but are too immature to do something about it and leave.

If someone is miserable and hateful, they have a knack of making everyone around them miserable too.

Usually the people making others miserable doesn't notice it or doesn't care.

There are people out there that I just want to ask what goes on in their head because I honestly can't see them having an intellectual thought.

A lot of girls go into college swearing they won't let go of their "strong" morals and instead become the sluttiest girls at the college.

Never try to talk to me if you are high, because I am pretty sure that is the most annoying state anyone can be in. Go do your thing and come back later and I would love to be your friend then.

People pretend they are big drinkers and then after half a shot get hammered. Look, you are what you are, who cares? No one is going to think you are cooler if you act like you have an alcoholic past.

Like in high school, people can change from being your best friend to your biggest nuisance rather quickly.

Politics and religion- don't bash mine, I won't bash yours. Don't try to force me to talk about it, because I will avoid the conversation. I'm not interested in converting you in either aspects.

If you "don't care" about your grades or school, then save your parents the money and go home.

This is your chance to be independent, so do it.

If you're in college, actually be a part of it.

Clean up after yourself for God's sake. I don't care how many products you use to get ready or how many bowls you haven't washed, I shouldn't see either.

College is full of almost-moments.

You can clash two worlds, like old friends and new, college and Marines, and it will still fit perfectly because they all have managed to fit into your heart.

Laughing, sarcasm, not taking things to seriously--learn it, love it.

I hate comforting people. It's not that I won't do it or that I am terrible at it...I just feel uncomfortable doing it in certain situations.

Roommate talks are therapy for free.

I define earth-shattering love as struggle, heart ache, happiness, laughter, tears, goodbyes, hellos, growing up, fighting, making up, but always, always, that feeling of your heart bursting with love holding you together.

Never settle for something because it is easier, never do something just to fill time in until something else happens.

Never just look out for your heart alone, because your heart is nothing without the hearts of your friends, love, and family.

Go on adventures, explore!

Do not make a big decision if you are not willing to live that decision every day of your life.

Unhappiness is 10% other people causing it, and 90% what you do about it.

Keep in touch, don't forget where you came from.

If you hate certain things about yourself and they got you no where in high school, duh, don't repeat them in college.

Professors who scale grades are a Godsend.

Don't compare things that are worlds apart, you're wasting your breath.

Love is a battlefield.

Never give too much information. It's good to keep some secrets for only you.

Be silly.

Do not hurt others intentionally.

Grow up.

Take a second once in awhile to look around you are realize if you have made it, if you lived your dream, had a good time, done the right thing, followed your heart.


What I’ve Learned My Sophomore Year.

This has been a really intense, fast year in my life. I changed majors pretty drastically to follow something I love, Zack and I had our fourth year together, my sister was in a terrible car accident, I spent an amazing summer in England and met wonderful people, and although I'm no closer to figuring out what I want to do with my life I am pretty optimistic about some things! I learned a lot, but here is just a few things that stood out...

Saying goodbye will never get any easier. Neither will waiting.

Tell people what you think. If they've hurt you, offended you, even if they don't care at least they know why things are the way they are between you now.

When a friend of mine is in need, even if I haven't talked to them in awhile or had a falling out with them, I am at an age that I can be mature enough to be there for them and be the bigger person.

Don't plan ahead too much. In fact, if part of your life has to do with the military, don't plan at all because the military's plans will always override yours.

Sometimes you just wake up and know that the path you are on is wrong, and then when you change it, the feeling of rightness is indescribable.

You can feel God in the middle of a forest, the ruins of an Abbey, or in the knave of a 900 year old church so surely that it is breathtaking. The beauty of life, though, is feeling grace in the other things in life that may seem insignificant.

Finding people that accept who you are is such a gift.

Putting yourself into a completely new situation and making new friends and learning new things is such a wonderful experience.

Some guys will be your friend as long as they think there is a chance for you two in the future-- when you set them straight, poof! They magically disappear. Some guys don't want to be friends with the girl that has a boyfriend. Others may realize that said boyfriend is trained to shoot at human targets.

Get your own life! Some people see someone else's life and instead of aspiring for something unique that will bring them happiness, they think that the other person has the answers and imitates them. It is not a form of flattery when it comes to some things.

When people from foreign countries come into mine, I do not bash their politics, culture, or religions. I am interested in learning about their lives. It is a great crime that some people behave oppositely, and I think believing preconceptions about a culture and acting offensively is disrespectful to all the people out there striving to bring peace and understanding to the world.

Some friends come and go. Don't be a victim-- make the decision of whether or not you will still be there waiting when they come back, and choose wisely.

If you're angry at someone, don't be racist and disrespect whatever ethnicity they are by lumping them into a group with overgeneralizations and stereotypes. Stop the ignorance.

Spend some time alone. Writing, listening to music, or even just sitting somewhere beautiful and quiet can clear up more in your mind than asking a thousand people for advice.

Don't believe foolishly that no one knows what you're going through. If you wonder, ask, but if you want to believe you're alone in the world then you will be.

The world has a whole new spin to it when life and death becomes something you have to seriously consider for you or someone you love.

Your heart can break just by hearing a number, a date, or a destination.

You can only give someone so many chances, believe them so many times, and then be betrayed. But you might never figure out when enough is enough.

Sometimes you have to let go of some things to experience life. Keep in mind that the things you've let go might not be waiting for your return, but that if you don't take that chance then you might regret something else.

Keep something for yourself and only you. Honesty is important, but keeping a small piece of your heart just for yourself is important; don't give everything away.

It takes a brave human being to be willing to give their life for their country, to leave behind family and friends to fight for something greater than all of us. Say a prayer once in awhile for these people who are representing you, defending you, and making the world a better place. Maybe, once in awhile, step up to the plate and defend them in turn.

Last of all, as my sister Mindy mentioned, remember that your choices affect so many people-- even people you may not know. One act can change someone's life forever for the better or worse, and yes, we all have that power. True ignorance is underestimating your power to hurt or to heal others.



And lastly....What I learned my Senior year.

I'm a little late for this, but here I am. Graduated, older, wiser, stronger, and in some ways more fragile. I loved this year because it challenged me in ways I have never be challenged before- and in ways I hope to never be challenged again. I have laughed, wept, waited, said goodbye, taken a chance, and most of all, learned.



I may know how to fall in love, but I don't know how to fall into trust.

Home is not a place; home is wherever the people you care about are.

Lies carry more weight than any loving gesture.

You may not realize how special some people in your life are until right before you have to say goodbye.

You know there's a chance that he may get hurt or even die today, but somehow, like so many others, you manage to breathe and get out of bed.

Even someone's family may not deserve multiple chances. For some people, family isn't about blood. Maybe blood doesn't define a family as much as who was there for you growing up, who knows your birthday, your favorite food, who is excited to hear from you and who doesn't use you.

Sisterhood is not a questionable bond. Sisterhood is honesty, presence, and the promise that no matter what we will always stand together.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Besides, where did God ever guarantee happiness in this life?

For some I am the reason to keep this together, and for others I am not enough of a reason to even try. I don't want either.

Sisterhood is not a job, it's a role, it's friendship, it's a state of mind, and some are fit for it and some are not.

Maybe it's nice to have other people's image of you to be so great, and you let them have that image and try to live up to it. But what do you do when the image is bad, and, worst of all, when it's completely wrong?

How do you introduce yourself to someone you've known for years but who never took the chance to get to know you?

I never want that call that your life is falling apart, but I thank God when I am able to be there for you.

Being a slut may not just be about quantity--- but also quality.

We spend out whole lives wishing time to go slower or for it to speed up.

I have some friends in my life where I know the bond will never break, and that is probably my greatest treasure.

Honesty rules us and destroys us. But I'd rather be destroyed than lied to.

I spent my life around people who were never taught to apologize. So what did I do? I fell in love with someone that betrays me a lot, but he's sorry for it, and I'm so taken aback by someone feeling remorse that I can't help but stick around.

Freshman year I said that college is full of almost-moments. In fact, college was my almost-moment. And maybe I'll always wonder.

Helping others, in any way, kind of helps you figure out your own life, too.

I invested too much of myself in some things and some people when maybe I didn't mean as much to them as I thought.

If you never gave me the chance, how do you know?

Maybe I love this field because ultimately it's about the quest for answers, and the risk that maybe none will be found.

Do not depend on people older than you to be more caring, more mature, more understanding, or more willing to listen. Age does not correlate with these things.

Sometimes it's empathy; other times, it's just narcissism.

At least if you go out of your way for someone else without expecting anything in return, you can be pleasantly surprised if they reciprocate or at the very least, satisfied that you did all you possibly could.

It's so very hard to accept that some things are out of your hands.

When someone has a problem with you, acting like you're in seventh grade and calling everyone else first to make sure they are "on their side" it's absolutely ridiculous.

In college, I learned that the people I cared for most could step up to the plate and admit they were wrong, apologize, fight for what they believed to be right, and accept the differences you may have.

Disillusioned college political-types are just slanderers with a longer name.

If you are against something, that doesn't mean you stand for anything.

My mistake is that when I'm away from someone I forget their shortcomings and then the fault is only mine when I get hurt.

The same people that were blind a few years ago are still blind today.

Love- your heart feels like it could burst, you can't stop smiling, your soul calms down, and it's a feeling you can never forget.

I'm willing to walk this long, hard road with you by my side, because you're the one over everyone else. Thank you for being that for me.

You may choose to only keep your secrets, but I will hide both yours and mine.

I crave honesty, integrity, compassion, understanding and I will search for it until I have nothing left to offer.

I will be happy.

Young Life

Tonight I had my second Young Life club and I thought it would be nice to explain exactly what this whole YL thing is.

When I was fifteen my best friend Summer was really involved in an organization called Young Life. When I started dating Zack, he went to YL too and they both talked me into going. I was scared it was going to be some weird cult thing, or some Bible beating Christians that were totally close-minded. Well it turns out I was totally wrong!

The way YL club goes is there are adult leaders that range from 18 to like their forties who "lead" and high school kids who attend club. Back in "my day" we met at someone's house and squeezed into someone's den. There'd be announcements, singing silly songs or songs that you could hear on the radio, someone would be playing the guitar while we all sang, funny games or skits, and then we sing like one devotional song. Then a leader goes up and gives their testimony, usually just telling a story about their life and somehow connecting it to something about Jesus or a story from the Bible and then the whole meeting ends with a prayer.

I think that being in high school, believing in God or loving Jesus was a really taboo thing to do. You weren't cool, because how can anyone have fun if they are worried about sinning all the time?! But really YL taught me a different perspective. For me in high school YL just brought me a ton of peace- it made me realize that other people my age were curious about God, too, that it was OK to be questioning everything you had been told before about faith.

When we were in high school Zack (super hot Marine boyfriend and love of my life) and I would always talk about how we would SO be YL leaders when we "grew up." Well growing up took me to Northern California AKA atheist capital of the world and Zack to Marine Corps land AKA San Diego, North Carolina, and Iraq. Well, now I'm out of school and Zack is coming back to the US. As soon as I graduated I got in contact with the right people and here I am! I am going to be a leader for the Hamilton group, a new group for kids that go to my old high school. My coleader will be Melinda, a super nice girl and we are already becoming fast friends. We are going to be the "old" leaders-- we are only TWENTY ONE!!!! Yikes! There will be like six other leaders who will be like eighteen so that will be fun lol.

Anyways I am super excited. My favorite YL leader, Shanda, had a HUGE impact on my life. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have stuck around with YL, I wouldn't have made some important personal decisions when I was younger that I am so grateful for now. She truly was a role model in a time when I didn't have many available. I hope and pray that I can maybe have half of the impact on my YL kids that she had on me. With Zack coming home to join in and help out, too, I know that he will be a big hit with all the guys.

The absolute BEST part of YL is camp. There is winter camp that is a weekend at a special YL camp in Las Canyon and an eight day summer camp there too. It's the BEST. Cabins with bunk beds that have awesome, clean bedding, giant bathrooms that are cleaned every day (if you know me, clealiness is definitely next to godliness to me) the best food ever made by chefs, woods, lake, dune buggy racing (I flipped mine last time haha it was scary!) a zip line that goes into the lake, ropes course, horses, swimming pools with slides, food fights, obstacle courses, a coffee shop, ice cream shop, a bead shop, and so much more! And every night, you got it, we talk about God and Jesus and all that good stuff. And then the rest of the day it's just awesome fun times that you'll never forget!

Anyways, world, that's Young Life. I'm not a mushy, lovey-dovey, Bible beating Christian or missionary type person. But I love this organization. It's especially awesome to me because I spend so much time arguing about religion, being a theology major and now having a degree in it, that it's nice just to talk about my own faith instead of arguing all the other stuff (that I still love to talk about) like translations, time periods, culture and society, and other controversial stuff that are great for my career and when I'm waxing philosophical but not so much when I'm considering the state of my spirit :)

My job

Reasons to love my job...

1) "I hope you're here when my Dad comes to get me, I want you talk to him instead of someone else."

2) "I thought this place was going to be scary, but you were nice to us!"

3) "Thanks for talking about this with me..."

4) My graduates from Anger Management hugging me goodbye.

And me knowing that I'll miss these kids but I desperately hope never to see them-- at least at my facility-- again, because that means that they are still having trouble.



Something else?

Just because you're against something, doesn't mean you stand for something.



And, I am so proud of my friend. She has gone above and beyond in helping herself and I am just so proud of her incredible strength, I admire her so much!

Ramblings and Religious Studies

Here's what I want to tell you:

Leave him, don't let him do this to you. I'll help in any way I can and I promise that we will find a way for you to be happy again.

I hope you are on that plane Sunday night.


In other news, I am going to Seattle this weekend to visit my three favorite Santa Clara students, the girls that I spent two months in England with! I can't wait, except my flight leaves at six am on Friday morning, yikes! I only work two days this week and then I'll be in Seattle from Fri to Sun.

I bought the boy two shirts today in anticipation of him coming home and knowing that he worked out so much in Iraq that he is prolly a LG or XL now. Buying stuff like this for him makes me giddy. I can't wait to buy his shaving cream and shampoo and Mountain Dew...does this make me a dork, or just a person in love?

I finally have Rosetta Stone! I am so excited! My sister got it for my for my graduation. Since I plan on pursuing a PhD in Islamic Studies I need to get a jump start on learning Arabic this year. A little bit about why I want to do Islamic Studies...

When I was a freshman in college I took Egyptian Religion and Culture with a fabulous professor. The next quarter I took Intro to Islam with the same professor. This professor became my advisor and one of my mentors. Reading the Qu'ran, Rumi's poems, learning about Karbala, and just everything made me fall in love with this culture and religion. I am not interested in converting- but I feel like the Islamic world can very well be a beautiful one, and that it is very misunderstood by so-called Islamists and other ignorant people. My professor is my role model- he has spent his life travelling, writing books, getting first hand experience, and then teaching about what he's learned to eager students. That is what I want to do with my life. It is such a treat to me even that Zackery has learned Arabic, so we can share something so special like that, and that he has had an amazing experience interacting with Iraqis in Al Qaim. His war experience is completely different than what I expected it to be. The field for people with graduate degrees in Arabic and Islam is huge- I could get a job for a company that has contractors in the Middle East, a job with a government, many organizations, and of course with unversities. I myself am Middle Eastern, and since I am also Mexican I have been able to learn a lot more about my Mexican heritage, so it is a real treat to be able to delve into the Middle Eastern world. Last year in England taking a religious studies class I came to the realization that I could literally learn about religions for the rest of my life and be happy, and I feel so blessed that this is an option for me.

A lot of people don't understand what I am trying to do here, including some members of my family. I can't explain the draw that religion has to me, the cultural and societal aspects, the theology of it all, the origins, the spirituality of it, but I just think it's so important that at least some of us are being students of religions instead of just proponents of one and opposers to another. I love my religion- I am Catholic- I love my spiritual beliefs, but I am incredibly of the shortcomings of the man-made aspects of all religions. Religion is an incredibly powerful thing, and whether people like it or not we are all affected by it. I'm just one of those people that is going to purposefully put myself in the controversy of it all, and I don't mind one bit.

and then the kingdom comes...

Two out of three of my sisters have blogs, and I think it's so interesting that random people I don't know (hopefully not crazy people) can take interest in your life through your blog no matter where they are in the world. I'm going to try my hardest to start so I can be a part of this!

I'm twenty-one, and I just graduated college a few months ago in California. I have a double major and a Bachelor's of Science and I work for a non-profit with at risk youth that most often are already in trouble with the law. I love my job- it's a new experience every day, and it's my first "real" salary, benefits, grown-up job!

I lived in NorCal for three years and I loved it-- I love SF, I love being on my own, I loved being able to be my own person and not have to live up to the personality others had already decided on for me. I moved back when I graduated and now I live in a new house with two of my sisters. So far it's fun, but it's very hard being home in a place where I am the "baby" and where people treat me often like I can't take care of my own life-- despite me doing quite well with my life on my own the past few years.

I love my friends. I have a group of friends here in AZ that I have known since grade school. The six of us have stuck it out through thick and thin, but unfortunately we are all spread out throughout AZ because they are all still in school. I have another group of 3 girls that I adore that were my college roommates and I am visiting 2 of them in Hawaii this December. Lastly, I have another group of three girlfriends that I became super close with when I spend last summer in England; in fact, the four of us are meeting up in Seattle next week! I can't wait!

Oh, and there's this one thing...about this guy.

I'm in love with a Marine. There, I said it, and admitting it is the hardest part! I have been with him since I was 15, we essentially grew up together, and have been dating for 5.5 years. I have been in love with him for, oh, about the last 3 of those years. We've had a rocky relationship because of tons of high school drama (I'll get into that one later, it's too juicy to skimp on) and have had a long distance, military relationship for 3 years. He's the most handsome person I've ever seen, the sweetest, funniest, and the most aggravating person in the world.

Did I mention he's been in Iraq for the past 7 months? He's coming home in about a month, hopefully! I haven't heard his voice or gotten more than a two sentence email from him in six weeks and that is getting to be really hard on me. Every second he's been gone I have been in a constant state of stress and worry. I can't even imagine this gorgeous boy of mine out in danger! Again, that's another story...I'll gush on about him and probably rant and rave a few times too for good measure some other time.

Oh, another thing! I want a PhD in Islamic Studies or Religion and Culture. I'm applying to PhD programs and studying nonstop for the GREs which I plan to take in October. I am going to apply to ASU, Georgetown, Duke, Boston, Catholic, and NC at Chapel Hill. I am a psych and religious studies person by degree, but my passion is religious studies and I can't wait to go back to school and learn even more--- my dream is to be a professor and also do hands-on research abroad.

Cool thing about me: I get to be a Young Life leader! I was in YL during high school, it's a non-deonominational Christian youth group, and it seriously changed my life and made my high school experience a blast. Tomorrow night I go to the first leader's meeting to kick off when we start leading a group at my old high school. I am kind of bummed because this weekend was Leader's Weekend where everyone got to bond but I had to work (I work Wed-Sat ten hours a day!) Hopefully tomorrow will be a lot of fun and just very spritually centering. More on that, well, someday when I have time!

So that's me, so far. I'm a daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, psuedo-sister, behavioral health professional, USMC-know all, student, YL leader, group counseling faciliator, future PhD candidate, frequent flyer, Arizona-girl, and officially named by my friends a mix between the momma bear of the group with a healthy dose of the crazy girl that is always running wild.

Now that you know me, hmmm...I wonder who you are?! No matter what, thanks for reading!